Statistics differ, but most experts agree it takes between 90 seconds and four minutes to decide if we are attracted to someone.

Apparently….

• 55% rests on body language
• 38% lies in  the tone, speed and inflection of our voice
• 7% is from what actually comes out of our mouths

These surprising statistics do not mean that you can bore the pants off people with mindless drivel, but show that you’ve got a limited amount of time to woo your mate with your irresistible body language and ‘je ne sais quoi’ charm.

So if snap judgements are made even before you’ve gone up to talk to your target (the way you walk and stand makes up for 80% of overall first impressions) then sending out the right signals is imperative. So, how can you tell whether you are strutting your stuff in the best way possible and, more importantly, whether your advancements are reciprocated?

The five signals that someone is flirting with you:

Eye Contact

• When meeting people that are unfamiliar to us, our eyes make a zig-zag motion-we look from eye to eye and across the bridge of the nose.

• With friends, the look drops below eye level and moves into a triangular shape. We also look from eye to eye but also look down to include the nose and mouth.

• Once we start flirting, the triangle gets even bigger- it widens at the bottom to include the mouth and then the body. The more intense the flirting, the more intensely we’ll look from eye to eye and longer is spent looking at the mouth. Gaze fixed on the mouth could suggest that he/she are imagining what it would be like to kiss you!

• Mirroring

Nothing is more of a tell-tale sign of attraction than someone mimicking your body language. Little will bond you more effectively than mirroring someone’s behaviour… lean in when they lean towards you and if they sit back and take a sip of their drink, pause and do the same. Obviously, don’t make it completely ‘monkey see, monkey do’ obvious (such as scratching your head in the same place as they scratch theirs) but do try and master the art of subtle seduction. Theory states that subtle mimicking connotes compatibility and similarity. Always wait around a minute before copying them as not look ridiculous.

• The eyebrow wiggle 
 
When we are first see the person we are attracted to, our eyebrows rise and fall. If they are equally as smitten, they raise their eyebrows in return. We are not conscious that we are doing this, but it’s a gesture of mutual appreciation duplicated by every culture on earth.  It’s an act which is easy to miss so the trick is to watch for it when you meet someone that takes your fancy. Tell them that you are interested on a subconscious level by prolonging your eyebrow flash for up to one second (to avoid looking startled) and deliberately raise them while catching their eye for full impact.

• Pointing

Try and notice what their hands and feet are doing. We tend to point toward the person we’re interested in with hands, feet, legs and toes. Once again, this is an unconscious act so if you haven’t yet had eye-contact, try and stand towards the person in question in the hope that they will ‘hone in’ on your advancements.

• Blinking

When we meet someone we are attracted to, pupil size instantly increases as does the rate at which we blink. If you want to up the odds in your favour, try and increase your blinks. If the person reciprocates your affections, then they will subconsciously try and mimic your blink rate to keep in sync. This, in turn, will make you both feel more attracted to each other.

And before you rush to your local bar to practices your fool-proof flirting techniques remember to act natural as not end-up looking like a staring, blinking, pointing maniac. Look for at least four of the signals before lunging towards them or making wedding plans. Also, signs such as laughter, being tactile and playing with hair are just as good indicators as some of the more subtle ones. It may be useful to consider that some people are naturally less extrovert and may get nervous when talking to someone they don’t know. Look, listen, learn and trust your judgments to avoid a pint of beer thrown over your head or being slapped with a restraining order.

Safety when dating over the net or using personals:

• Arrange to meet somewhere that is well lit and full of people.
• Try and keep it at coffee or a drink rather than a day out or dinner- that way you can back out quickly if they aren’t what you are looking for.
• Let people know where you are going and give them the full contact details of the person that you are meeting.
• Never invite stranger to your house and don’t go back theirs unless you can truly say that you know them WELL!
• Trust you instincts and listen carefully to their relationship history. What do they actually want from you and do you want the same from them?
• Be polite and try not to lead people on-you don’t know who they are and how they will react to rejection.

For more information on safety tips please visit: www.suzylamplugh.org.uk